I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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