my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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