I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
