Apparently you make a good broom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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