I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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