so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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