Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
