Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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