They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
