I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
