I think I died a long time ago.
I just threw up on my dentist
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
