Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
