Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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