They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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