Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
