addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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