i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
