I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
