what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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