so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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