What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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