I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
