The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
