Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
