Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't deserve a penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
