all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
