is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
