the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
