Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
