It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
