I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
