So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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