Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
