idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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