So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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