this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
