i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
