i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
