4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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