I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
