he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How external is "for external use only"?
The air was thick with penises
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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