High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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