This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
