I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
