ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
