ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
