Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
