I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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