she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
