i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
