we're chasing vodka with high fives
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
