Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
